88 Short and Funny Halloween Quotes for Laughs
Halloween is a time for fun and laughter, so we have put together a list of the funniest Halloween quotes for your next post.
And if you’re looking for short and witty lines that bring the humor, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Short Funny Halloween Quotes
“Halloween is just finals week for parents.” — Jim Gaffigan
“Being normal is vastly underrated.” — Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown
“It’s just a bunch of Hocus Pocus.” — Max Dennison, Hocus Pocus
“Where there is no imagination there is no horror.” — Arthur Conan Doyle
“Every October I’m kidnapped and forced to scare birds at a local pumpkin patch.” — Conan O’Brien
“Catching and holding the attention of an eight-year-old on Halloween is like trying to catch a hummingbird with a piece of dental floss.” — Abbi Waxman
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Graham Jones
“Halloween is right around the corner. You can tell because all the stores are decked out for Christmas.” — Stephen Colbert
“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” — Brackett, Halloween
“My Halloween costume was so bad that people opened their doors and took candy from me.” — Glen Nesbit
“I didn’t know if you have kids you need five different costumes.” — Mindy Kaling
“Too cute to spook.”
“It’s alive!” — Frankenstein
“Have a fang-tastic Halloween!”
“Boo Felicia!”
“My Halloween costume is Godot. I’m not showing up at the party, just texting the host every 10 minutes that I’m on my way.” — Wynne McLaughlin
“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” — Mason Cooley
“Witch better have my money!” — Unknown
“I’m here for the boos.” — Unknown
“Where my ghouls at?” — Monster High
“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” — Rose Pressey
“You can’t scare me, I have kids.”
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Graham Jones
“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” — Henry David Thoreau
“I’m just creepin’ it real.” — Unknown
“It reeks of children!” — Mary Sanderson, Hocus Pocus
“Halloween is the only time I can wear a cape and not be judged.” — Unknown
“Bow down, witches.” — Unknown
“You’re looking brew-tiful tonight.” — Unknown
“Witch parking. All others will be toad.” — Unknown
“It’s showtime!” — Beetlejuice
“Be afraid. Be very afraid.” — Ronnie, The Fly
“Where there is no imagination, there is no horror.” — Arthur Conan Doyle
“You rang?” — Lurch, The Addams Family
“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!” — Rusty Fischer
“I got a rock.” — Charlie Brown, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
“Hope your Halloween is hex-tra special.” — Unknown
“You are 100% that witch.” — Unknown
“My Halloween costume was so bad that people opened their doors and took candy from me.” — Glen Nesbitt
“You look absolutely spook-tacular.” — Unknown
“Best fiends forever.” — Unknown
“Orange you excited for spooky season?” — Unknown
“Howl YOU doin’?” — Unknown
“There’s nothing wrong with being a basic witch.” — Unknown
“You’re the mummy of the year!” — Unknown
“We’re just creepin it real.” — Unknown
“It’s time to get this party startled!” — Unknown
“Happy Howl-oween!” — Unknown
“I wanna get witch you.” — Unknown
“Are you a monster? Because you look Franken fine.” — Unknown
“You’re truly a breath of fresh scare.” — Unknown
“Halloween is the only time people can become what they want to be without getting fired.” — Sylvester Stallone
“There are three things that I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.” — Linus
“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one.” — Linus
“How many more months of Halloween this year?” — Jim Gaffigan
“Little tip, when you show up to a Halloween party not dressed up, it’s the same as showing up to a normal party in a costume.” — Josh Groban
“So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used greasepaint for my moustache.” — Pam Beesly
“There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.” — Collette
“Trick or treats come only once a year, and I missed it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead.” — Sally
“Halloween is the only time people can become what they want to be without getting fired.” — Sylvester Stallone
“Why spiders? Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies?’” — Ron Weasley
“The first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you’re a kid, your brain can’t even process the information.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’” — Rita Rudner
“We have had our summer evenings, now for October eves!” — Humbert Wolfe
“Just put on my Halloween costume! This year I’m going as ‘Guy Who Thinks Halloween Is On October 18th.’” — Stephen Colbert
“It’s pronounced ‘Fronkensteen.’” — Dr. Frederick Frankenstein
“Be afraid, be very afraid.” — Ronnie, The Fly
“I could have had candy apples and gum and cookies and money and all sorts of things. But, no, I had to listen to you, you blockhead.” — Sally
“As a kid, Halloween was amazing. You dress like a superhero, you bang on your neighbor’s door, and they give you candy.” — Jim Gaffigan
“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“Now Halloween’s over, it’s time to start thinking about the next time you’re gonna annoy your neighbors — caroling.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“Being normal is vastly overrated.” — Aggie Cromwell
“Never trust the living.” — Beetlejuice
“Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha
“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” — Edgar Allan Poe
“We’ve made it to Sunday. Halloween is still 4 days away. We have to stay strong together.” — Jesse Tyler Ferguson
“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” — Linus
“You rang?” — Lurch
“Resting witch face.”
“Mom, tell the Zombie to stop saying stuff about me!” — Courtney Babcock
“Halloween is just finals week for parents.” — Jim Gaffigan
“Bing, bong. ‘C’mon lady, let’s go. Halloween, doorbells, candy. Let’s pick it up.’” — Jerry Seinfeld
“On Halloween you get to become anything that you want to be.” — Ava Dellaria
“Candy doesn’t have to have a point. That’s why it’s candy.” — Charlie Bucket
“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” — Tim Burton
“It’s a full moon tonight. That’s why all the weirdos are out.” — Dani
“They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious, and spooky.” — Andrew Gold
“How many times do I have to tell you? There is no such thing as ghouls, ghosts, goblins or monsters!” — Fred
