112 Short Funny Positive Quotes to Keep You Smiling Through the Day
Sometimes you just need a good laugh and a little motivation, so we’ve put together a list of all the best funny positive quotes to keep your mood light.
And if you’re looking for short and cheerful quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Positive Quotes
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott (Steve Carell)
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“Be happy—it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho
“I am not lazy, I am on energy-saving mode.” — Anonymous
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” — Stewart Francis
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Mallory Hopkins
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” — Steven Wright
“Why be moody when you can shake your booty?” — Anonymous
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” — Earl Wilson
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke
“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” — Groucho Marx
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” — Anonymous
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” — Charlie Chaplin
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” — Benjamin Franklin
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?” — Cynthia Heimel
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” — Steven Wright
“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” — Ann Landers
“A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.” — Anonymous
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” — Steven Wright
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Anonymous
“I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” — Anonymous
“If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” — Anonymous
“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” — Anonymous
“Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.” — Unknown
“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Anonymous
“I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” — Harvey Specter
“Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.” — Jim Davis
“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.” — Jim Eason
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry)
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” — Herm Albright
“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.” — W.C. Fields
“Life is short. Buy the shoes.” — Anonymous
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” — Steven Wright
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” — Woody Allen
“Every morning is a revolution against the darkness.” ― Mehmet Murat Ildan
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder
“Don’t be like the rest of them darling.” — Coco Chanel
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx
“It’s not your job to be likeable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway.” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank
“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” — Ethel Barrymore
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry
“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” — Katharine Hepburn
“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
“Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda
“Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn
“You go in with a positive attitude and stay there.” – Shelley Long
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski
“Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling
“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright
“The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.” – William Hazlitt
“Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan
“You can if you think you can.” – George Reeves
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
“Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin
“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” — Yiddish Proverb
“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William
“Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” — Sheldon Cooper
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin
“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Shawshank Redemption
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde
“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Buñuel
“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
“Everything is figureoutable.” — Marie Forleo
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
