55 Funny day quotes that will add Cheer to Your Routine
Life isn’t always fun.
On tough days, it’s easy to feel down. But remember, laughter can be a great pick-me-up.
Many clever people have used humor to make light of difficult situations, and their funny quotes can help us smile too.
Whether you need a laugh, a fun phrase to share, or just a break from stress, these quotes from famous funny people will cheer you up.
Here’s a list of funny day quotes that are sure to make you smile.
Short Funny Day Quotes for Instagram
1# “I’m not a bra, but I’ll support you.”
2# “Stay strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.”
3# “Sorry I’m late, I saw a dog.”
4# “Reality called, so I hung up.”
5# “Being this funny is like, a full-time job.”
6# “Cat hair, don’t care.”
7# “I start diets in the same spirit I used to start school notebooks: with clean, high aspirations. By week two, it’s all pizza margins.”
8# “Throwing shade like it’s sunny.”
9# “Girls just want to have funds.”
10# “Love you bear-y much.”
11# “Can’t espresso how much I love coffee.”
12# “Resting Grinch face.”
13# “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
14# “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
15# “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” – Steven Wright
Funny Day Quotes
16# “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
17# “Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.” – Spanish proverb
18# “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield
19# “Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something.” – Mitch Hedberg
20# “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown
21# “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin
22# “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.” – Charleton Heston
23# “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
24# “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
25# “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
26# “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
27# “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
28# “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
29# “I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.”
30# “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.”
31# “I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person.”
32# “I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.”
33# “I don’t always have the energy of a 2-year-old, but when I do, it’s usually around bedtime.”
34# “I’m not saying I’m Superman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together.”
35# “I don’t always have a lot of energy, but when I do, I make sure to waste it on something completely unproductive.”
36# “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg
37# “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
38# “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey 1
39# “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell 1
40# “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner 1
41# “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres 1
42# “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office 1
43# “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous 1
44# “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.'” —Steven Wright 1
45# “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel
46# “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous
47# “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous
48# “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin
49# “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson
50# “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx
51# “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno
52# “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin
53# “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry
54# “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams
55# “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous
Final thoughts
Collecting these funny quotes has shown me how humor is everywhere in life, lightening up our days.
Each quote here has given me a laugh and reminded me not to take things too seriously.
Whenever I’m feeling low or stressed, I look at these sayings and they cheer me up right away.
I hope they bring a smile to your face too.
Charlie Chaplin once said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” So let’s keep laughing and make every day brighter!
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