90 Short Funny Life Quotes for a Smile
Life is an adventure—a journey full of twists and turns. Sometimes it’s a long and winding road, and other times it feels more like a crawl.
Either way, your car won’t drive itself; you’re in charge of the big decisions that shape your destination. It’s not always easy, but life has a funny way of making us laugh (and cry) along the way.
That’s why we’ve gathered the best funny quotes about life into one list for you, including witty sayings and clever observations.
Whether you need a pick-me-up during tough times or want something to share with family and friends, you’ve come to the right place.
Short Funny Life Quotes
“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” — Woody Allen
“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke
“Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.” — Jimmy Durante
“Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.” — Rudyh
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” — Anthony Burgess
“If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z – keeping your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
“You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.” — Hannah Marks
“Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.” — Karon Waddell
“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.” — Sam Levenson
“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” — Mark Twain
“You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be.” — Jessica Taylor
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.” — Charles M. Schulz
“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” — Criss Jami
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — Albert Einstein
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” — Brooke Shields
“People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.” — Fakeer Ishavardas
“Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.” — Criss Jami
“The fact that we’re all different is the one thing we all have in common.” — Justin Young
“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama
“Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Stephen King
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West
“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
“The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.” — Frank Sinatra
“Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh.” — The Koran
“Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact.” — William James
“I’m at the age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
“In youth we want to change the world. In old age we want to change youth.” — Garth Henrichs
“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.” — Victor Hugo
Funny Quotes About Life
“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” — Lisa Hoffman
“Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.” — Dolly Parton
“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” — Plato
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” — Pearl Bailey
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” — H. L. Mencken
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.” — Arthur C. Clarke
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” — Johnny Carson
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” — Forrest Gump
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein
“If at first you don’t succeed, quit. When life gives you lemons, quit. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit.” — Jim Rome
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.” — Douglas Adams
“Life is too short to be reading quotes about life being too short. Stop reading and go live your life!” — Kevin Ngo
“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” — William Goldman
“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” — Al McGuire
“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” — Confucius
“Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” — Ricky Gervais
“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.” — Christopher Hitchens
“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” — David Letterman
“Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” — John Wayne
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” — Robert Frost
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” — Blaise Pascal
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” — Will Rogers
“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.” — Mark Twain
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” — Hermann Buhl
“Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses.” — Vladimir Nabokov
“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis
“I don’t necessarily agree with everything that I say.” — Marshall McLuhan
“When I was your age, television was called books.” — William Goldman
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.” — J.M. Barrie
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” — Woody Allen
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” — Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!” — Hergé
“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.” — George V. Higgins
“He who laughs last … just didn’t get the joke.” — Carroll Bryant
“…personal torture instructor…I mean physical therapist.” — Simone Elkeles
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” — Stephen Hawking
“I’d rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.” — Terry Pratchett
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” — Bill Watterson
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” — Will Rogers
“Sane is boring.” — R. A. Salvatore
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” — George Carlin
“Short cuts make long delays.” — J.R.R. Tolkien
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” — Phyllis Diller
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.” — Dorothy Parker
“Plans are invitation to disappointment.” — Derek Landy
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” — Rita Mae Brown
“Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.” — Jeanne Moreau
