77 Funny Good Morning Quotes To Start The Day With A Laugh
Mornings are rough for most of us.
The alarm goes off and you immediately regret every life choice that led to this moment. Coffee becomes a personality trait. Functioning like a normal human feels impossible.
Why not laugh about it? A funny good morning message beats another “rise and shine” text any day.
These funny good morning quotes are honest about how mornings actually feel. Perfect for anyone who needs humor more than motivation.
Funny Good Morning Quotes
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.” — Marlo Thomas
“I hate mornings, they start so early.” — Janet Evanovich
“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” — Jarod Kintz
“Morning will come, it has no choice.” — Marty Rubin
“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” — David Lynch
“You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.” — Bob Dole
“To greet a lovely morning, we must leave the night behind.” — Tarang Sinha
“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” — Ursula Le Guin
“Morning not only forgives, it forgets.” — Marty Rubin
“In the morning, I woke like a sloth in the fog.” — Leslie Connor
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not…” — J.R.R. Tolkien
“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden
“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” — Rachel Caine
“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me…” — Willie Geist
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.” — Kristen Chandler
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” — Charlie Chaplin
“I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning…” — Kevin Hearne
“Some mornings I just feel like breaking the alarm, but then I remember I paid for my phone.” — Job Might
“Sometimes I wake up and think I should start wearing a beret, but I don’t do it.” — Mitch Hedburg
“When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods
“Anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning…” — Moss Hart
“Birds scream at the top of their lungs every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth…” — Kurt Cobain 1
“Today is a new day. Even if you were wrong yesterday, you can get it right today.” — Dwight Howard
“Mornings are almost clean slates. I say almost because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them.” — Medeia Sharif
“A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day…” — Marcia Carrington
“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.” — Terry Pratchett
“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” — Dorothy Parker
“Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id…” — Catherynne Valente
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.” — Tony Smite
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning…” — Robert Frost
“It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow…” — H.G. Wells
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook
“I love the smell of possibility in the morning… or is that just coffee?”
“Morning: the moment when your dreams of sipping coffee in peace are shattered by reality.” — Anonymous
“I’m not a morning person. Or a night owl. I’m some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.”
“Some mornings I wake up grumpy. Other mornings I let him sleep.”
“I need six months of vacation, twice a year. Preferably starting this morning.”
“There should be a holiday for people who wake up early without being forced. They’re clearly not human.” — Unknown
“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright… said no one ever.”
“Morning is nature’s way of saying: ‘Surprise!’”
“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America…” — Robert Orben
“Every morning brings new potential…” — Harvey Mackay
“It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis…” — Konrad Lorenz
“My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.” — Anonymous
“Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard…” — Gehenna Toss
“Good morning, this is God. I will be handling all of your problems today…” — Wayne Dyer
“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” — Punit Ghadge
“Good morning, and a special welcome to those of you who are new to the field of quantum solar energy conversion.” — Mary Archer
“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.” — Jean Kerr
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper…” — Benjamin Franklin
“I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.” — Sam Goldwyn
“Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself, ‘I think I won’t think today’?” — Byron Katie
“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love…” — Maya Angelou
“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness.” — Nanea Hoffman
“I like freedom. I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?'” — Oscar Nunez
“If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it is a bright day.” — Elon Musk
“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night…” — Bob Dylan
“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning!’” — Fulton J. Sheen
“The lawyer’s first thought in the morning is how to handle the case of the ringing alarm clock.” — Edward Packard Jr
“What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper…” — Timur Vermes
“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.” — James Lileks
“Good Morning Sunshine; thank you for filtering through my dilapidated window…” — Nikhil Parekh
“I woke up. I saw the light. I hit snooze.” — Anonymous
“I’m not awake until I’ve had my coffee. And even then, proceed with caution.”
“The best part of waking up is going back to sleep.”
“Rise and shine? More like rise and whine.”
“I don’t do mornings. I do coffee and then I do people.”
“I dream of a better tomorrow… where I can sleep in.”
“Alarm clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.”
“I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode until noon.”
“Morning meetings should be illegal. Or at least optional.”
“If mornings were a person, I’d file a restraining order.”
“I rise, but I definitely don’t shine.”
