174 Short and Hilarious Life Quotes for a Good Laugh

Life can be tough, but laughter makes it better, so we have put together a list of the most hilarious life quotes for your next post.

If you’re looking for short and funny sayings that capture the chaos and comedy of everyday life, you’ll find something that makes you laugh here.

Short Hilarious Life Quotes

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright

“Whatever you do, always give 100% — unless you’re donating blood.” — Bill Murray

“Reality continues to ruin my life.” — Bill Watterson

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” — Sydney J. Harris

“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” — Charles M. Schulz

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” — Mitch Hedberg

“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.” — Rebecca Romijn

“I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.” — Steven Wright

“I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” — Bill Watterson

“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” — Isaac Asimov

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” — Oscar Wilde

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” — Stephen Hawking

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” — Allen Saunders

“Life is a lot like jazz… it’s best when you improvise.” — George Gershwin

“Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” — Doug Larson

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A. A. Milne

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” — Albert Einstein

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas A. Edison

“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom

“The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Betty White

“I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” — Unknown

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.” — Socrates

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” — Unknown

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke

“Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.” — Jimmy Durante

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.” — Rudyh

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” — Anthony Burgess

“If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z – keeping your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope

“You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.” — Hannah Marks

“Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.” — Karon Waddell

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” — Mark Twain

“You may not always end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.” — Jessica Taylor

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

“I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” — Criss Jami

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — Albert Einstein

“People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.” — Fakeer Ishavardas

“Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.” — Criss Jami

“The fact that we’re all different is the one thing we all have in common.” — Justin Young

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Stephen King

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas A. Edison

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” — Albert Einstein

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.” — Steve Jobs

“Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” — Seneca

“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it.” — Henry Ford

“In order to write about life first you must live it.” — Ernest Hemingway

“The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.” — Frank Sinatra

“Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.” — Leo Burnett

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” — Søren Kierkegaard

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.” — Ashton Kutcher

“Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this.” — Celine Dion

“Life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met – obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.” — John F. Kennedy

“Live for each second without hesitation.” — Elton John

“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” — Mark Twain

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” — Mark Twain

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I find myself.” — Martha Washington

“Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh.” — The Koran

“Happy are those who have given up worrying once and for all.” — Ovid

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” — Epictetus

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” — Marcus Aurelius

“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

“Mirth, and even cheerfulness, when employed as remedies in low spirits, are like hot water to a frozen limb.” — Benjamin Rush

“The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.” — Sebastien Chamfort

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Life is like a guided tour, where we are the tourists, our inner voice is the guide and the destiny is like a travel company which tries to give us the best possible ‘package’ that our ‘Karma’ can afford!” — D.S. Pandit

“Life is cruising the ocean while watching a beautiful sunrise.” — Jean Watson

“Life is a meaningless existence unless equality exists for every living soul.” — Jean Watson

“Life is the rustling of leaves as the wind blows. You will experience the true meaning of life once you show appreciation for the simple things God provides daily.” — Jean Watson

“Developing a cheerful disposition can permit an atmosphere wherein one’s spirit can be nurtured and encouraged to blossom and bear fruit. Being pessimistic and negative about our experiences will not enhance the quality of our lives. A determination to be of good cheer can help us and those around us to enjoy life more fully.” — Barbara Winder

“Life teaches you many lessons, many good, some bad. Just learn from the good and forget the bad.” — J.D. Rockefeller

“Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.” — Corita Kent

“When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.” — Helen Keller

“Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact.” — William James

“Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude MacDonald

“Marriage: a friendship recognized by the police.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson, The Office

“Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews!” — Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants

“The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

“People said ‘Follow your dreams.’ So I went back to bed.” — Unknown

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal

“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.” — Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld

“No thank you, I prefer to get high on life.” — Millie Kentner, Freaks and Geeks

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.” — Barack Obama

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” — Sydney J. Harris

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Dodgeball (2004)

“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henry Youngman

“Be like a postage stamp; stick to one thing until you get there.” — Josh Billings

“I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” — National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (2002)

“My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, then you’re really missing the point of what this life is.” — RuPaul

“Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring.” — Steve Maraboli

“Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn

“You want to get out of the hole? First you’re going to have to put down the shovel.” — Incredibles 2 (2018)

“When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“You never really realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.” — Unknown

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” — Jules Renard

“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!” — Marvin Phillips

“Life can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” — Lemony Snicket

“We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.” — Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” — George Carlin

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I’ll find it along the way.” — Michael Scott, The Office

“Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.” — Morty, Rick and Morty

“True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.” — Edna Buchanan

“If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” — Oprah Winfrey

“Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube.” — Joan Rivers

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford

“You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” — Phyllis Diller

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

“There comes a day when you’re gonna look around and realize happiness is where you are.” — Chief Tui, Moana

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

“Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

“If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, The Office

“In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.” — Harold Geneen

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

“A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

“Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

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