It’s your birthday, Valentine’s Day, or your anniversary, and you’re supposed to be celebrating.
But instead, you’re feeling anxious and dreading the day. You know what’s going to happen. Your partner is going to ruin it.
They’ll start by making a big deal about how they didn’t have enough time to plan anything special.
Then, they’ll complain about the food, the decorations, or the people you invited. They’ll find a way to make you feel guilty for even wanting to celebrate.
And if you try to stand up for yourself, they’ll turn it around on you and make you feel like you’re the one who’s being unreasonable.
You know your partner is a narcissist, and you know that this is just how they are.
But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. You’re tired of feeling like your special occasions are always ruined.
So why does your partner ruin special occasions? There are a few reasons.
- Narcissists are all about control. They need to be the center of attention, and they don’t like it when someone else is getting the spotlight. So they’ll do whatever they can to take the attention away from you.
- Narcissists are jealous. They can’t stand to see you happy, especially if it’s not because of them. So they’ll find a way to sabotage your happiness, even if it means ruining a special occasion.
- Narcissists are immature. They don’t know how to handle their emotions in a healthy way. So they’ll lash out and act out when they’re feeling insecure or threatened.
Keep reading to learn how to deal with a partner who ruins special occasions.
6 Reasons Why Your Partner Ruins special Occasions For You
1. Jealousy and Envy
Some individuals may intentionally disrupt special occasions due to feelings of jealousy or envy towards the person being celebrated. They might feel overshadowed or inadequate, leading to disruptive behavior.
In certain cases, personal vendettas or unresolved conflicts may motivate someone to sabotage a special occasion as an act of revenge. They may want to cause emotional distress.
Narcissistic individuals may struggle with sharing the spotlight and may undermine special occasions to redirect attention back to themselves.
Their need for admiration can overshadow the celebration.
4. Lack of empathy and Emotional Intelligence
Some people may unintentionally ruin special occasions due to a lack of understanding of social norms and emotional intelligence.
They might make inappropriate comments or engage in disruptive behavior without realizing the impact.
Communication breakdowns can occur, leading to misunderstandings that disrupt special occasions. Clear and open communication can help prevent such issues.
6. They’re Immature
Narcissists’ immaturity often manifests in their inability to handle not being the center of attention.
For instance, if it’s your birthday, a narcissist might express disinterest or even hostility, because they are not the one being celebrated.
They might make underhanded comments or even cause arguments to divert attention back to themselves.
Understanding their behavior can provide valuable insights, which may lead you to the realization that your partner exhibits traits commonly associated with narcissism.
Recognizing these aspects of their personality is a crucial step in setting healthy boundaries and managing your interactions.
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How to know If Your Partner Is Trying To Ruin Your Special Day
So, it’s your big day. Maybe it’s your birthday, or you’ve just bagged a promotion at work – something you’ve been eagerly waiting for.
You should be the star of the show today, or at least, your day shouldn’t be spoiled, right? But your partner thinks otherwise.
They’ll pull out all the stops to shift the focus from you to them. It’s classic narcissistic behavior.
There are many ways they might try to ruin your special day, and here are some of the most common ones:
1. You’re Partner Doesn’t show up
You’ve achieved something big, either in your studies or your job, and everyone’s there cheering for you, except for one person.
Your significant other has chosen to be conspicuously absent when you need them the most.
Looking back, you realize they have a pattern of going missing just when there’s a celebration that isn’t centered on them. Your partner even dodges meetups with friends if they know someone else has big news to share.
Narcissists aren’t exactly friend material, so it’s no surprise that your partner is
2. The Cold Shoulder Treatment
Your partner makes an appearance at your important celebration, but don’t expect a warm reception.
While they physically show up, their vibe couldn’t be any colder.
There’s zero enthusiasm or thrill from them about your big day. No smiles, no congratulations, no joining in the excitement. Their body language screams disinterest.
You can sense your partner’s negativity from a mile away. They’re not just refusing to celebrate you – it’s worse than that. They’re actively angry and upset that this day isn’t about them.
Like a moody, sulking child, your partner gives you the silent treatment. Any attempt to get them engaged is met with one-word answers and icy glares.
They’re too focused on their own resentment to give you an ounce of support.
You’re left confused, trying to figure out why your partner is acting like such a cold fish.
But deep down, you know the reason – they simply can’t stand that today, you are finally getting a sliver of the attention they feel entitled to.
3. The Drama Queen/King Routine
Leave it to your partner to create unnecessary drama and chaos right when you least need it. They have an uncanny ability to make any special day all about them.
Ever the narcissist, your partner craves being the center of attention. They’ll pull out all the stops to sabotage your event and divert the focus back to themselves.
Getting drunk and making a scene? Check. Saying cruel or embarrassing things to put others down? Check. Throwing a full-on toddler-style tantrum? Check.
Your partner has no shame when it comes to making a spectacle out of themselves. They’ll gladly ruin everyone else’s fun if it means securing the spotlight.
Picking fights with you or trying to humiliate you in front of others? That’s just icing on the cake for them. Nothing is off limits when it comes to the drama your partner loves to stir up.
You’re left to deal with the aftermath, feeling hurt and upset that your special day was derailed. But for a narcissist, that rage and chaos was the whole point.
4. Plays the victim
Brace yourself for the mopy, woe-is-me victim act your partner unleashes to make your special day all about their problems.
You want to focus on feeling happy and to celebrate this day. But your partner insists on making the event an airing of grievances about how hard their life is right now.
Never mind that it’s your big day – according to your partner, no one’s struggles could possibly compare to theirs in that moment.
Their negativity, bad mood, and nervous energy drain the entire room. Rather than joining in the festivities, they monopolize conversations to complain and seek sympathy.
You’re left exhausted just trying to uplift their spirits as if that’s your responsibility. Your partner ruins the celebratory vibe you planned for.
This is a go-to tactic for narcissists – play the victim and force everyone to center their emotions instead. Don’t let their melodramatics detract from the joys of your special occasion. You deserve support, not martyrdom.
5. Forgets your special day
Imagine the very person you expect to remember and acknowledge your special day blatantly forgetting it. Your narcissistic partner might not even wish you, let alone plan any surprise or celebration.
A forgetful partner can be more than just an oversight – it can be a deliberate act of narcissistic manipulation.
They know it’s your birthday or anniversary, but they pretend to forget, all to deny you the attention and happiness you deserve on this day. It’s their way of saying that your special day doesn’t matter.
They might even feign surprise or innocence when you confront them about it, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
This is yet another way your partner will attempt to sabotage your special day.
6. Gives you bad gifts
Gifts. Ah, those fleeting symbols of affection that are meant to be meaningful and express feelings.
They’re typically used to build relationships and celebrate special moments. But when you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, gifts become a tool of manipulation and a source of frustration.
Your partner always seems to find a way to ruin even the simplest of special days with their attitude towards gifts.
- They might either “forget” to get you a present or give you something utterly useless or insignificant.
- The gift-giving process, which should be joyful, turns into a minefield of hurt feelings and disappointment.
- If they do remember to give you a gift, they ruin the moment by complaining about your gift, making comparisons, and implying that you owe them.
- Each gift-giving occasion becomes a cycle of dread as your partner twists this act of love into something painful.
- They use gifts as weapons to cast shadows over your celebrations, instead of using them to express feelings and celebrate special moments.
Gift-giving is not a competition or an obligation. It’s an opportunity to show your love and appreciation.
But if your partner consistently uses this opportunity to belittle you, it’s time to reassess. You deserve a relationship where gifts are symbols of love, not tools of manipulation.
7. Makes you feel insignificant
One of the most painful ways a partner can ruin a special occasion is by making you feel insignificant.
This can be especially hurtful if it’s your celebration, such as a birthday or job promotion, yet they manage to shift the focus onto themselves or belittle your achievements.
How a partner can make you feel insignificant on special occasions:
- They ignore you or make you feel like you’re not important. This could mean not paying attention to you, not talking to you, or not making you feel like you’re part of the celebration.
- They compare you to other people. This could mean talking about how much better other people’s gifts are, or how much more fun other people are having.
- They make negative comments about you or your appearance. This could be anything from saying you look fat to telling you that you’re not good enough.
- They put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. This could mean criticizing your choices, making fun of your mistakes, or making you feel like you’re not good enough for them.
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How to Cope With Narcissistic Partner Ruining Every Special Occasion?
Dealing with a narcissist can feel like walking on eggshells, especially during special occasions.
They simply love to ruin every special moment, turning what should be a joyful celebration into a stressful event. But there are ways to cope:
1. Don’t Let Them Get to You
Narcissists feed off of your negative emotions, using them as a source of power. They’re notorious for creating conflict and thriving on the chaos it causes.
Try to stay calm and collected. Don’t let their behavior dictate your emotional state.
2. Set Boundaries
Arguing with a narcissist can feel like arguing with a brick wall. It’s simply not worth your time or energy. Instead, set boundaries and stick to them. Let them know that their disruptive behavior is not tolerated.
3. Remember It’s Not Your Fault
Narcissists are master manipulators. They can twist any situation to make it look like you are the problem. Remember, their behavior is a reflection of them, not you.
4. Do Not Accept Their Behavior
Just because they’re a narcissist doesn’t mean you have to accept their behavior. If their actions are causing you distress, let them know.
They need to understand that their behavior is not okay and that you won’t tolerate it.
5. Seek Support If Necessary
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or counselor.
They can provide strategies to help you navigate this challenging relationship.
6. Know When to Walk Away
If you’ve tried everything, and the narcissist still refuses to change, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
They cannot handle not being the center of attention, and if this makes you feel unhappy or stressed, it may be best to walk away.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected.
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Living with a narcissistic partner can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience, especially during special occasions that should be joyful and memorable. However, you have the power to protect yourself and your mental health.
Remember, you deserve respect, love, and happiness. If your partner consistently ruins these moments, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you – it’s a reflection of their own issues.
Always choose self-love and self-respect over a toxic relationship. You don’t have to stay trapped in a cycle of hurt and disappointment.
There is a healthy and fulfilling love out there for you, and you deserve to experience it fully.
You are not alone in this journey. Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a counselor who can provide you with the emotional support and guidance you need.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if the situation becomes overwhelming.
Why do narcissists ruin special events?
Narcissists often ruin special events because they are unable to bear the focus being shifted away from them and onto someone else. They harbor the belief that they alone are deserving of admiration and attention. Consequently, they might actively disrupt your special days, viewing them as instances where you are stealing their spotlight.